Rating: Young Children
Warnings: Major character death, spirituality
Summary: Daniel has trouble coping with a loss.
They aren't mine, don't make no money from 'em, don't wanna be sued.
Daniel locked his arms as he carried the weight. He kept his eyes straight forward, if he looked at the others he wouldn't be able to control himself and he needed to maintain control until it was over. When he was alone...then he would cope.
The procession stopped and lowered the weight they carried.
As things commenced Daniel's thoughts turned to three days ago.
Definitely Mayan...
Dr. Jackson.
Though there seems to be a derivative...
Daniel.
Daniel looked up to see General Landry.
General?
Landry entered and closed the door.
Okay...this can't be good.
Daniel...
Just say it.
There was...an accident---
Sam, Teal'c, Cam?
No. D.C. Jack's dead.
Jack? No.i>
I'm sorry Daniel. I thought you'd want to be there when I tell Colonel Carter and Teal'c.
He glanced at Sam and Teal'c, they had been just as shocked by the news and each had wanted to be alone. He knew Sam would cry, Teal'c would meditate, and he... he would wait til the ceremonies were over and he was alone again.
General Hammond had asked him to give the eulogy, how could he say no, even if his heart was in pieces.
Daniel felt the touch on his arm and looked at Landry who nodded. Taking a deep breath he walked to the head of the casket.
"Jack O'Neill...could be a terrific pain in my ass at times. He was stubborn, headstrong... and he undoubtedly said the same about me on more than one occasion."
Those who knew Jack and Daniel chuckled.
"Jack and I...we were very different...he liked hockey and beer, I preferred Discovery Channel and coffee...despite these differences we became friends. He was a fine officer, a so-so fisherman..."
More chuckles.
"And the best damn friend I ever had. I love you Jack and I'm going to miss you."
Daniel returned to his place by the others and felt Sam squeeze his hand.
The flag over the coffin was folded into a triangle and presented to Daniel.
The casket was lowered into the ground and the mourners threw roses into the grave. Daniel slipped something else into the grave as he passed.
After the funeral concluded he walked up to Sara.
"Thank you for calling me." She gave a small smile.
"Would you like his flag?"
"No, you keep it, I know Jack considered you family."
"We're getting together at Sam's if you'd like to come."
"Thank you, but no. I haven't been a part of Jack's life in almost a decade."
"He still loved you."
"I still loved him but sometimes it's not enough."
There was an awkward silence.
"Take care of yourself." Sara bade.
"You too."
Daniel went back to his friends while Sara went to Charlie's grave.
"At least they're together again." Daniel sighed and Sam rubbed his back.
"Let's go back to my place and give the General an Irish Wake." She said.
Teal'c drove them to Sam's and soon her house was full of people eating, drinking and remembering Jack.
"So he looks at me and says...I forgot." Hank chuckled.
"That sounds like Jack." George agreed, his eyes drifted to Sam and Teal'c.
"We'll take care of them George."
"I'm more worried about Dr. Jackson to tell you the truth. Jack really was his family... and they were his kids."
"I'll personally keep an eye on Daniel." Hank promised.
"So this is an Irish Wake?" Cameron asked.
"This is the way O'Neill celebrated DanielJackson's life when we believed him dead."
"Which time?"
"Nem." Sam supplied.
"The fish guy?"
"Yeah." Sam sipped her beer.
"Where'd Jackson get off to anyway?"
Sam and Teal'c looked around but didn't see him.
Daniel stood at Sam's bedroom window holding the flag and staring out. He'd tried to put on a brave face but it was just too hard, he wanted to be alone.
"Really don't want to be here, do you son?"
"No."
"Would you like me to take you home?"
"I'd appreciate that General."
Hammond led Daniel downstairs.
"Hey, okay?" Sam touched his face.
"Headache." He admitted.
"I'm gonna take him home."
"Why don't you three take some time off?" Landry said.
"Five days?" Sam looked at the men who nodded.
Hammond pulled up in front of the apartment building.
"Son, if you need to talk I'm just a phone call away."
"I appreciate that sir, but I'm fine."
Daniel exited the car and walked to the door hugging the flag to his chest.
"Fine. Daniel Jackson's euphamism for, 'I'm hurting more than I can admit to myself let alone to anyone else." Hammond murmured, watching Daniel go inside, he looked up. "If you can hear me Jack, he'll need you to get through losing you." With a soft sigh Hammond drove away.
Daniel closed his door and walked to the bedroom, he gently placed the flag on the bed and slid his suit jacket off and removed his tie placing both on the chair. He kicked his shoes off and went to the bathroom where he took two aspirin. Returning to the bedroom he removed his shirt and dug through the dresser until he found the sweatshirt he wanted. A sad smile touched his lips upon recalling how he got it.
Last gift, it's your's Daniel.
From...Uncle Sam?
Jack smirked as Sam shook her head and held her hands up innocently.
Daniel opened the box and frowned.
What is it DanielJackson?
Daniel held up the blue sweatshirt.
I didn't, Daniel looked at Jack.
Ah, but you do work for the Air Force...so in a way you are their property.
Daniel frowned and stuffed it back into the box.
Don't like the sweatshirt do you?
I'm not property Jack.
I thought making one would embarrass us both, Jack mumbled.
What?
I thought of making one that said...Property Of Colonel Jack O'Neill.
Daniel stared at him.
Oh come on! The Neaderthal guys grabbed you, Sushi guy grabs you, Hathor... 'nough said there! The alternate universe Teal'c shoots you! For cryin' out loud Daniel! You're my Space Monkey, nobody can do that stuff to you!
Daniel had to look away so Jack wouldn't see his eyes tearing up.
It's late, let's get to bed, Jack said and started turning off lights.
Come on in Danny.
You decent?
I told you to come in didn't I?
Just wanted to say goodnight and thanks.
You're welcome. Merry Christmas Danny.
Merry Christmas Jack.
Daniel blinked back tears and pulled the sweatshirt on then changed into sweatpants. He had been surprised to find Jack had kept all his stuff after he ascended... Daniel quickly went to the livingroom and turned on the t.v.. He channel surfed until he found a story on Egypt. He made coffee and settled in to watch.
Daniel was standing on the curb, he saw Jack's car stop at the light. The car behind him didn't, the driver distracted by the radio, it sent Jack's car into the intersection...right into the path of a bus.
JACK!
Daniel awoke panting and shaking,the VCR clock read 5:52 and he rose stumbling his way to the bathroom. He showered, dressed and made fresh coffee. Gathering his laundry he took the washables downstairs to the laundry room, once they were finished he returned to his apartment and put them away, he gathered his suit and took it to the dry cleaners then went to the mall and walked around. He bought ten books at the bookstore, his growling stomach propelled him to the foodcourt where he ate a sandwich and drank coffee.
It was after six when he returned to his apartment, there was a message from Sam inviting him to dinner but he didn't feel like putting on a smile for anyone so he erased the message. Settling onto the couch with coffee, he picked up the first book hoping to ward off sleep til he was too exhausted to dream.
FOUR DAYS LATER
"Hey Sam."
"Hi Cam." She smiled and took her seat at the table.
Teal'c arrived and nodded to both.
"Where's Dr. Jackson?" Landry asked joining them.
"I haven't seen him since the wake, he didn't return any of my calls." Sam frowned.
"Sir, Dr. Lam called, she wants to see you all in the Infirmary...it's about Dr. Jackson." Walter informed them.
The foursome hurried to level 21 and were directed to an iso room. Carolyn stepped away and came over to them. "Daniel collapsed in the elevator. He's suffering from exhaustion, malnourishment and an overdose of caffeine."
"I should have gone to his place, I knew losing the General would be hard on him."
"I too bear responsibility ColonelCarter. I chose to leave the SGC for those five days when I knew Daniel was suffering deeply."
"I coulda dropped in on him..." Cam sighed.
"If we're sharing blame put a helping on my plate." Landry shook his head.
"Sir?" Sam asked.
"I told George I'd keep an eye on him."
"I've got him on an I.V. and he's sedated, he'll sleep for several hours." Carolyn informed them.
"Keep me informed." Landry ordered.
"Can we sit with him?" Sam asked.
Carolyn nodded, Landry left and Daniel's team went over to him. They were shocked to see how pale he was, the dark circles under his eyes stood out sharply.
"I'm sorry Daniel, I was so wrapped up in my own grief...I know how close you and...Jack were. I should have realized you would try to avoid it at all costs."
"I too should have remembered DanielJackson locks his pain away."
"Should've, would've, could've...we're here now and we'll help him get through his loss and move on." Cam said.
Sam nodded and caressed his hand.
Daniel opened his eyes and found his team there. He dully realized he was in the Infirmary.
"Hey, you scared us." Sam smiled.
"DanielJackson, we are here now."
"Don't hide from the grief Jackson." Cam counseled.
Daniel rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.
The trio looked at each other at a loss.
"I'll get Lam." Cam volunteered and left them.
"Please don't shut us out Daniel." Sam said softly.
"We wish to help you with O'Neill's death."
You can't Teal'c. No one can. Please just leave me alone. I just want to be alone.
"How is he?" Landry stopped by several hours later.
"Depressed. He needs to work through the loss but won't talk to anyone."
"Should I call MacKenzie?"
"No!" Sam and Teal'c joined them at the observation window.
"DanielJackson does not trust Dr. MacKenzie."
"Right." Landry winced recalling the misdiagnosis which put Daniel in Mental Health and drugged to the gills for schizophrenia.
"Let's just leave him to rest for tonight, try to get him to talk tomorrow, if he doesn't then we'll go over his options," Carolyn advised and they left Daniel to sleep.
Danny.
Jack?
Yeah. Don't do this to yourself Daniel. Don't deny how much you're hurting.
Daniel shook his head and bit his lip looking down.
I know you miss me, but don't stop living Daniel. Carter and T are here, let them help you.
Hey, look at me, Jack shook Daniel's shoulder making Daniel look at him. I'm fine, I'm with Charlie. I was already gone, I felt no pain at all Danny. Jack touched his cheek and smiled. Don't close yourself off from the grief, remember what I was like when we first met? I don't want you to be cold and hard because I died. Don't shut everyone out who loves you. You tore down the wall I built around myself, tear down the wall you're building Danny, Jack stroked his cheek, do that for me.
A sob tore free from Daniel's throat and he broke down and cried for his loss.
I still need you Jack, Daniel whispered when the tears had slowed.
I'll come see you, I promise.
Daniel looked at him.
Jack put something in Daniel's hand and closed his fingers around it.
I promise, he looked Daniel in the eye.
Daniel nodded and yawned.
Go to sleep Danny, when you wake you'll feel better.
Stay? Daniel eyes drifted closed.
For a little while.
Daniel started for the darkness of sleep.
I love you Daniel and when it's time for you to come Home I'll be waiting for you.
Love you too Jack.
Daniel felt the caress on his cheek and it lulled him to sleep.
Daniel awoke blinking, he turned with hope and felt disappointment.
It was just a dream. It felt so real, like Jack was here.
"Afternoon."
"Huh?" He turned to Carolyn.
"You've been asleep almost two days."
"I have?" Daniel was surprised.
"Yep. How do you feel?" She asked casually, this was more than he'd said since being admitted.
Daniel looked thoughtful.
"I feel..."
She waited.
"Better." He decided that was the right word.
Just like Jack said I would.
"Better?"
"I don't feel like I'm suffocating anymore."
"Good. Are you hungry?"
"Um...I could eat, yeah."
"I'll get you something and let the others know you're awake."
Daniel nodded and sat up as she left, he jerked feeling something sharp against his left leg. Reaching down he pulled out an artifact...and gasped.
How?!? I put this in the grave with Jack's coffin!
The memory of Jack placing something in his hand and curling his fingers around it jumped out crystal clear to him.
"Jack?" He whispered staring at the artifact. Tears began to fall and he laughed and shook his head and looked up grinning.
"Daniel?" Sam called hesitantly.
He looked over to see Sam, Cam, Teal'c and Landry looking back concerned.
"Just remembering." Daniel smiled and wiped his tears away.
"You okay?" She asked coming over and hugging him.
"I'm...gonna be fine." He nodded, squeezed the artifact in his hand and smiled at them.